Wazzup

My primary intention with this website was to function as a landing page that links to the various platforms I frequent elsewhere on the web. However, the more I thought about it, the more I yearned for a space to ramble on about thoughts, ideas, and projects with a bit more heft and permanence.

It's been quite some time since I last kept a blog – MySpace, LiveJournal, Blogger, Tumblr, and the like have all been platforms I've used to put my insignificant thoughts out into the aether. A good bit of time has passed since I've maintained any type of journal – digital or physical – and I'm now realizing it's a more beneficial tool than I ever gave credit.

I've long been a procrastinator driven by perfection. I want so much for something to be just right before I release it to the world only to fail to understand what "just right" actually is, so, inevitably I let the idea shrivel up and die. This very website is something I've agonized over far too much to the point where I let what's supposed to be simple become unnecessarily complex. I had to give myself a shake and remember it's nothing grand. It's just a blog.

That said, it's not just a blog. As the years have passed and I've learned new things and gained experiences, there seems to be a growing turmoil within myself. I'm sure much of it has to do with general hardships and concern for the world we live in, though, I can't help but think that the act of getting the thoughts colliding among each other in my head written out could be a sort of pressure release valve.

Many of the things I think about are inconsequential or downright mundane. The problem thus is that my mind has long been a saturated sponge and I need to make room for more meaningful thoughts and observations.

There's always something

Humans are like a gas filling whatever void they're given. I'm not sure why we do it, but the smallest, most solitary thing can seemingly occupy a vast expanse. I'll catch myself with one little thing on my mind and it can cause as much havoc as five life altering scenarios that I'm juggling the next week. I'd love to learn how to compartmentalize those truly unimportant rumblings so I can free up brain space to enjoy simple things like relaxing with tea and a vinyl record, going for an autumn walk, or learning to write code.

Checklists are a double-edged sword

I firmly believe that checklists are one of the more powerful tools at our disposal – and they're free! You write a few things out, possibly assign them a priority or due date, and then cross them off, one-by-one. Each one is a shot of dopamine that fuels you through to the next. The tricky part is not becoming overzealous with too many checklists. I'll scroll through various lists and see that my past self has left future me some hauntingly herculean tasks, which, aren't even really tasks so much as an entire project or, even worse, a bloody concept.

A list riddled with things like "start working out" and "develop filing system" do myself no favours. In fact, they sit their for weeks and months, traumatizing me every morning when I scroll through them, too scared to remove them and too overwhelmed to break them down into actionable items. It's gotten to the point where I don't even know where to begin with an existing list, so I just start a new one thinking that'll solve the problem when it only exacerbates it.

I suppose the advice to myself that's helped in the past is to just find the easiest thing and tackle that, then move on to the new easiest thing, and so forth. I could also do better about prioritizing things or even setting due dates. At the end of the day, you can't lie to yourself, so being realistic about what you can sufficiently handle is important.

Just go

No matter what I do in life, I unilaterally look back on things and wish I did them differently. That goes for what I ate for lunch the day before and it'll be the same for this very post. I think it's normal and a good thing, but it can be a struggle to make a decision in the moment if you know you'll regret it to some extent. Ultimately, that's how we learn and I should remind myself of that much more.

Alas, I've finally made it here. This website will see a lot of changes over time, and typically, that's something I fight against. If I know changes are coming, I halt everything and attempt to figure them out before they become changes. Writing that out makes it sound futile and downright silly.

For now, I'll leave things as is. I plan to use this place for long-form content as well as quick little blurbs and shower thoughts. Being at the point in my life where I'm trying to be more mindful of my health – physical, mental, emotional, and all other areas, I think talking about my thoughts here could be quite beneficial.

I spend my days talking on stream and interacting with hundreds of people, all while trying my best to be supportive of them and being as cheerful as can be. Some days, it puts such a strain on me to keep the negative thoughts and feelings inside to the point it compounds the problem. I don't want the few people reading this to think I'll be acting like an early 2000s high school emo – just that I need a space to vent along side sharing those small personal victories.

Toodles, for now.